


I will Kiss your swollen Belly until You see that You are Beautiful

by larrybubblebutt



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Cutting, Depressed Louis, Depression, Fluff, Liam is mentioned for like a second, Louis is called only Lou in this, M/M, Mpreg, Mpreg Louis, Not Lou Teasdale, Pregnant Louis, Soulmates, Suicide, Unhappy Ending, i love to write smut usuallly, it's a bit fluffy, louis is sad, no real smut, only a part of fluff though, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-27
Updated: 2014-06-27
Packaged: 2018-02-06 12:06:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1857423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larrybubblebutt/pseuds/larrybubblebutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything is black and white until you find your soulmate. </p><p> </p><p>Or where Harry and Louis are soulmates and Louis is depressed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I will Kiss your swollen Belly until You see that You are Beautiful

Anne had told Harry about colours, about how when she met Harry's father she thought she would never meet her soulmate and stay with everything black and white for the rest of her life. Of course she loved him but it was still, grey. But when Harry's father met his soulmate they divorced and years later Anne finally found Robin, the one to give her colours. 

She told Harry that he had the prettiest green eyes, chocolate hair and snowy skin. He didn't know the colour green or the blue of the ocean, the yellow of a lemon or pink on a flower. His mother said he just had to wait until he found his soulmate. Harry had feared since he was a child that he would not find the one to bring him colours but now at the age of twenty he had found himself a small flat on the outskirt of London and had a handful of friends from university. He had tried to date, a lot actually but he couldn't keep it up more then a week or two. His friend Liam had found his soulmate when he was only six in the playground and couldn't remember how it was like to only see black and white. 

Harry envied his friend sometime, when he brought a beautiful girl named Sophia with him club night. But he couldn't be mad at Liam for finding his soulmate, it was something every human craved and if you found them you would love the person with everything you had. 

 

It was a rainy monday when Harry stepped into a tiny library, he wasn't necessarily going to loan a book but he didn't want to walk in the rain.

Shaking his head like a dog he walked trough the glass door, small drops of water dripping out of his curls. 

A bunch of teenagers, his age maybe sat on the floor and Harry froze. Suddenly he could see everything. The flaming orange shirt a boy wore and the blue book in his hand. The light brown wooden floor, the yellow walls but of course he didn't know which name stood for which colour. He didn't know anything and he was so overwhelmed he didn't notice the small boy in the corner, not a part of the rest but not on his own either stare at Harry with wide eyes. 

It wasn't until Harry connected the dots, his soulmate is here! He thought and looked around. None of the teenagers looked at him, except one, a black hoodie covered his upper body and the small boy looked like he was swimming in it. He also had dark jeans and converse. Harry couldn't put a name on the colours he saw on the boy except for the black but he had long eyelashes and sharp cheekbones. The colour of his eyes was something Harry had never seen, granted he had never seen any of this before but he thought that if he was ever to go back to black and white he would be okay with that cause he would always remember this boy's eyes. 

The boy seemed to eye him as well and Harry marched straight up to him. He crouched down and felt the stares of the others but the only thing that he could focus on was the small boy. 

“Hi” Harry breathed and cupped the boys cheek. Up close the boy's eyes looked strangely dead but, hopeful maybe as he eyed Harry. 

“Ello” he whispered. 

“You see it too right?” the boy nodded and that was all Harry needed, he leaned in and gently kissed the boy, a petite creature he'd never seen before. The boy made a startled noise but pecked him back. 

“M Harry”

“Lou” the boy, Lou, said and carefully smiled up at Harry. The later beamed and rested his forehead against Lou's.

“Hi Lou” he said. “Soulmate” he then added, tasting the word in his mouth and he could hear someone gasp in the background but he just focused on Lou, feeling the smooth skin of his cheeks , how it curved over his sharp cheekbones and jaw. 

“Can we go somewhere more private?” Harry asked and glanced around, taking note of all eyes on them. Lou glanced around and then nodded, grabbing his black backpack and stood up. Eyes on the floor as Harry grabbed his hand and walked out. 

Harry was over the moon, he didn't know Lou but felt every cell in his body buzz as he walked close to the boy. He did though get a feeling that Lou didn't feel the same, he did look relaxed but there was something with the boy that made a small nagging feeling erupt in his stomach. He then saw Lou's eyes widen and he tore his eyes away from the small boy. Harry felt breathless as he looked around. It was all so beautiful, the sky had the same colour as Lou's eyes and he stopped walking, just gazing up at it. 

“You're eyes have that colour” Harry told Lou who gazed up at the sky. 

Lou smiled and Harry squeezed his hand. “Blue then” Lou stated quietly. “Mom said I have the colour of the sky” 

“My mom says my eyes are green” 

“I like green then” they smiled at each other and then kept on walking. Nobody spoke , eyeing everything from a new perspective. Harry lead them to a café where Lou shyly asked for tea and Harry kissed his cheek, telling the smaller boy to find a table and that he would get the tea. Harry bought himself a smoothie. 

Lou gave him a small smile when he sat down and started to sip his tea. Harry took his phone and googled colour and the next hour was spent learning about different shades of colours. Harry had pointed at something in the café and Lou had tried to put a name on the colour. 

Harry ordered another tea for Lou when he finished his and one for himself . They talked about their families and lives, Harry babbling on about his mother and sister and cat. About his step father and university. Lou didn't tell him much but his lips curled into a grin as he told Harry about his younger sister Lottie. Harry thought Lou looked the most beautiful when the small boy smiled. 

When Lou suddenly told him that he had to go after glancing at the clock Harry asked for his number and then took a picture of the smaller boy when he was done. He kissed Lou goodbye and maybe just maybe he looked at the picture and put names on every colour he could see on Lou. All from tanned skin to sky blue eyes and caramel brown hair, pale red lips and the faint blush of crimson. 

~

As time went on Harry texted Lou as much as he could and called him every night they didn't meet up and he could see how Lou became happier and happier, and Harry was giddy, cause it was because him that Lou smiled more and texted small, I miss you's when they went a day without seeing each other. 

Harry had some obsession with taking pictures of himself and Lou all the time, wanting to capture every moment in colour. Of Lou on their first date, a red long sleeved sweater and black skinny jeans, his hair in a messy fringe. Lou when they cuddled and he was wearing one of Harry's hoodies or when they were out and he had a blue button up that matched his eyes. That one was Harry's favourite. 

“Babe, can you pass me the glass, I can't reach it” Lou said as he stood in front the kitchen counter in Harry's flat. His naked thighs looking smooth from where they peeked out under Harry's over sized sweater which meant it was huge on the smaller boy. 

“Can't believe you're older than me” Harry murmured as he walked up to Lou, kissing him gently on the forehead and then lifting him up instead of taking the glass himself. Lou giggled and grabbed the glass, Harry chuckled but then abruptly stopped, almost dropping the smaller boy. 

“Louis...” Harry said warningly and just that sent cold shivers down Lou's spine, Harry never used his whole name. Harry took the glass from Lou and smacked it onto the counter, making it crack. The smaller boy flinched and looked up at Harry, scared. “What was that?” his hands shook and Lou honestly couldn't figure out why Harry looked like he was about to cry and Lou's soul wept with him. 

“What?” he asked, reaching out to cup Harry's cheek but the taller grabbed his hand and pulled up the sleeve, revealing pale thick lines, the scab scratched away so the only remaining proof was the scars, loads of them messily over each other when there wasn't more skin to break. 

Lou froze, feeling the bile crawl it's way up his throat and tears to his eyes. “I'm so sorry Harry” he whispered. 

“How many times?” Harry asked and Lou looked at him confused. “How many times did you do this and I wasn't there?” the green eyed boy closed his eyes as tears fell down. 

“No Harry, baby I haven't done this since I met you” Lou tried and hid his skin back under the sleeve of the shirt. 

“If I had met you sooner that none of this-” Harry cried out. “I could have stopped it sooner if I-” 

“No, baby. None of this is your fault, okay” Lou cried with him, standing on his tip toes to gently kiss Harry. “I did this to myself. Blame me, Harry don't blame yourself” he whispered against his lips, kissing away the tears. “I have never been happier than this, you make me the happiest. Maybe I have bad days still but then you're there and it sorta goes away” Harry just nodded, resting his forehead against his soulmate's. 

“Fuck Lou. I love you so much, you can't just-” he choked and squeezed his eyes shut. “Don't leave me Lou” 

“I wont baby. I wont. I love you” 

“I- I need to kiss you” and so Lou pressed their lips together and it was messy and it was desperate with snot and tears and Harry still sobbed but Lou whispered 'make love to me' and so Harry nodded furiously. Wanting, needing to be close to Lou in a way he had never been before. 

He hosted Lou up so the smaller boy could wrap his legs around his waist and carried him to his room while whispering how much he loved the smaller one. 

They took their time, Harry kissing up Lou's body and paying extra attention to his arms. He just needed to take care of Lou, he failed before so he had to make it up to his soulmate now. 

“I love you” he murmured into his skin later as he slowly thrusted inside the boy. His fingers slippery from the lube as he cradled Lou's skin. 

“I love you too” and Harry was still crying and Lou was kissing the tears away until Harry stopped sobbing. 

~

It was almost a month later that Louis puked one morning, Harry was in the kitchen making scrambled eggs when he heard Lou gag in the toilet. He quickly stopped the gas and ran to Lou, petting the smaller's back until he was done. 

“How are you feeling?” Harry asked. Lou just shrugged and twisted his neck. 

“Maybe I ate something bad yesterday” he said and they let it be. 

But then Lou started everyday for that week with puking his guts out and Harry had bitten his nails raw worrying so he and Lou went to the hospital. The waiting line was long and the older boy huffed, asking if they couldn't just go home. But Harry refused and when their time came Harry clutched onto Lou's hand thinking the worst. 

Lou had to give them his blood and the nurse stared at his scars a bit too long and made him uncomfortable but he still obeyed her when she told him to relax as she sank the needle into his skin. 

They nervously waited another week for the letter to come and when it did they were shocked. 

“I'm pregnant?” Lou asked Harry and a hand instantly flew to his tummy. Then a smile lit up his face as he looked down. “I have your baby inside me Harry” 

And the younger beamed, placing a hand over Lou's. “My baby” he said with a chuckle, kissing Lou deeply. 

~

They sold both of their flats and bought a bigger one. It was with two bedrooms were their baby could sleep. 

Their families were crazy over the baby. Anne and Lou's mother Jay cooing over their unborn grandchild. 

Harry had never seen Lou as happy as he was when his belly grew. He glowed and it was like every colour on him was a little brighter. Harry of course recorded every single moment, Lou sleeping, Lou eating, Lou stepping out of the shower (“Fuck sake Harry, shut that damn thing of, I'm naked”) 

He was horny a lot and then hungry the next. Harry didn't complain though, he loved spoiling Lou and as the belly grew the scars faded. 

~

Harry's granddad died when Lou was six months pregnant and even though he didn't feel so sad cause all his focus was on his soulmate he went back to Cheshire for the funeral. His grandma cried and told Harry that everything was back to black and white, that she could feel the exact second her soulmate died. 

All the talk about dead soulmates made Harry nervous and he left as soon as it was over. Lou was sleeping when he came home and Harry kissed his forehead and then snuggled up next to Lou and feel asleep. 

~

They found out that the baby was a girl and they painted the room pink, buying a sparkling crib and a thousand stuffed animals. Jay bought cute onsies and Anne toys. 

A week later the whole room was done, everything was either pink or white with princess stickers on the walls and the stuffed animals where placed neatly in the crib. 

Harry stood behind Lou, his hands resting on his belly as he gently kissed the smaller boy's neck. They both admired the room, picturing a small girl running around giggling as they played with her. 

~

There were days when Lou never stopped smiling, surprising Harry with small gifts when he came home from work. But then there were days where Lou was so sad Harry took all sharp thing in the flat and locked them in his closet. But there where never a new line on Lou's wrist, he said he took care of two now and couldn't harm himself. 

Harry was so proud of him that he kisses the smaller boy breathless. 

~

It was in the middle of the night when Harry woke up by a screaming Lou, clutching to his belly in the pale moon light. Harry panicked, grabbing the crying boy bridal style and carried him out to the car in only a shirt and boxers. 

“Is the baby coming?” he asked. Lou was in his ninth month and he was due any week now. And that due was today it seemed like. 

“Does it hurt?” 

“Of course it bloody hurts, the baby is fucking coming you idiot!” Lou roared out and Harry pressed down on the pedal a bit quicker. The smaller boy then screamed out again.

“Breath Lou, c'mon we're almost there” 

“I'm dying Harry-” Lou yelled, a fist pressed into his mouth. “It hurts!” 

“You're not dying, it's just little Dixie that wants out” Harry tried to calm the older one but the later only whimpered into his hand. 

“It hurts, like a bad hurt not like my mom said it would” Lou cried out. “But I don't know, never been pregnant before” 

And with that Harry panicked too and was sweating by the time the arrived at the hospital. He helped the smaller boy out then Lou was quickly taken care of and Harry sprinted after them. 

The next hours were the worst in Harry's life. 

Lou cried and scream and when the baby finally was pushed out she was dead. The doctors told them her umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck and then he kept on talking but neither of the boys could hear him, they were numb and Harry could see how the light was sucked out of his soulmate. Lou asked if he could see her but she was already taken away. He snapped then, started trashing around in the bed, crying and screaming that they had to be lying. 

“My baby” he whimpered into Harry's arms, digging his nails into the younger's skin until moon shaped marks were etched into the flesh. “Little baby Dixie, Harry. Our little Dixie” 

And Harry cried, silent tears falling down his cheeks as he held Lou, kissing his forehead, wanting to tell him that everything was gonna be alright. But he could not promise that. They had just lost their baby girl. The tiny little human they created together and named and bought a bunch of stuff for. Their baby. 

Lou passed out early in the morning on Harry's chest. The nurses had changed him to clean clothes. Harry though, couldn't sleep pictures of his baby girl taunting his mind. A little girl of four years old with long chocolate, straight hair and blue eyes. A thirteen year old girl shyly asking her fathers if she's allowed to go on her first date, make up prettily done and her favourite dress on. A girl at prom, Lou gushing how beautiful she looks and a girl in her wedding dress. 

He cried as he looked down at his soulmate. 

~

Lou didn't speak much when he came home. One night Harry found him in the pink room, holding a razor blade pressed against his skin but not cutting it. Just staring around the room with dull eyes. Harry had cried, begged Lou to not do it and then carried the small boy to their bed. 

The door to the pink room was locked after that. 

~

Harry had hid all the sharp items in the flat. He could live without shaving at home. He could live without cutting up meat with a knife. He just had to protect his Lou cause the smaller boy couldn't do it for himself right now. 

“Will you be okay if I go down to the store and buy some more milk?” he asked Lou one afternoon. This morning the older boy even ate all of his breakfast and maybe he just wanted Harry to think he's happy or maybe he actually is getting better. Harry prayed for the later. 

“Yes. Of course” Lou said, his eyes glancing on their bedroom door for just a second before he locked eyes with Harry. “Go now” he said. “I love you” Lou got up, hugging the taller boy close and breathed him in, squeezing Harry with everything he had. “So much” 

“I love you too” Harry kissed him and then left. Maybe he should have been suspicious about the random 'I love you', Lou had not said it since the baby was in his belly. 

Harry quickly walked to the store and picked the milk he knew Lou liked the best. 

It was when he stood in line that he froze. He could feel his arms bleed and the rough texture of a rope around his neck. 

Everything was in black and white.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts on this????


End file.
